Flirting is a complex art. no matter how much we want to “invest” in someone, from time to time we run into issues like self-esteem, insecurity, and fear of rejection. And of course, if we overdo it with a dose of self-confidence, we can also sound rude or even awkward. I mean? A big advantage of winning someone over is having a balanced approach.
This is definitely not an easy task. On that note, CLAUDIA chatted Renan Carvalhotutor and coach relationships and sexuality. The expert gives emotional and practical tips for getting started in the art of flirting. See below.
1. Don’t pressure yourself
First, Renan notes that we have to keep in mind that flirting is not a game of darts where we have to train to hit the target. The opposite. we are talking about a situation that does not depend only on us. Therefore, it is completely irrational to push to be effective, because flirting does not depend only on one side,” he explains.
Therefore, the expert says that a great tip for being a better flirt is not to worry so much about being successful. “It’s impossible to really know if that person will want anything more. And if he doesn’t want to, then you have to remember that this is not about you. That’s his job. The other person will always have their own preferences, beliefs and traumas, which may sometimes not match yours,” she says.
2. Dealing with insecurity
The expert explains that as natural as flirting is, like talking or thinking, many people struggle to let the art of conquest flow. “We live in what I call paranoid culture. We often encounter patterns that remove us from our essence and imprison us within certain social norms. In fact, these norms define what we consider right and wrong.”
And the consequence for Renan is a society with an enormous fear of making mistakes. Fear of being judged, rejected, or not meeting standards holds us back when trying to attract someone.. However, being aware of it is a great step towards healthy self-confidence.
3. Overcoming shyness
Agreed coachOh Self-awareness is the best tool to combat shyness“Developing an awareness of this trait and having the courage to act on it is enough to overcome insecurity for people whose shyness is at a more superficial level, which represents most of us,” she explains.
However, the expert cautions that for people whose shyness is rooted at deeper or traumatic levels that prevent the individual from realizing or developing the courage to act, therapy is the best option.
4. Do not overdose
Renan notes that the best way not to overdo it at the moment of conquest is to act naturally. But for that we need to define what is natural for us, making a distinction from what has been imposed on us culturally. “Most men tend to be rude in flirty situations. Some even consider it normal, because they are simply reproducing patriarchal patterns,” he declares.
Oh coach He also explains that it certainly affects women. “It’s all too common to see women feel they have to be more laid back and passive in achievement, encouraged by a context that continues to reinforce that discretion is mandatory. There is a fear of crossing the border.”
But regardless of genre, Carvalho points out that both situations are artificial and toxic, a reflection of an archaic social pattern that lives on to this day. “This pattern leads millions of women to believe they should be approached and picked on as if they were property to be earned, which also dramatically reduces their flirting potential.”
“Such cultural stereotypes could not be more contrary to the true nature of man.. And that’s why they end up causing insecurity, confusion, aggression and problems not only in flirting situations, but in relationships in general,” she says.
5. General advice
After thinking about your personality traits and cultural traits that prevent us from being true to who we are, it’s time to follow some of Renan Carvalho’s foolproof tips for successful flirting. Check:
- Don’t follow cake recipeslisten to your heart, instincts and accept who you are to do only what you feel is necessary;
- Don’t get hung up on the resultflirt just because you like it, without thinking solely about the result of your efforts;
- work on your self-esteem to awaken the power of temptation that lives within us all;
- only you live your lifeDon’t limit yourself to social standards.
“Some are stronger in physical seduction, looks, posture and other carnal tactics. Others find strength in a smile, conversation, or sympathy. And there are also those who consider themselves masters of provocation and seduction. There are no rules. The most important thing is to seek connection with our essence. When we feel good about who we are, the most appropriate flirting comes naturally,” she concludes.