In the pocket of relations. when your partner hides you
You are your friend’s secret. You’ve been sleeping together, talking for hours, and in love for months, but he hasn’t introduced you familyto: friends, and have you ever posted an image of them together? This situation is calledpocket relations” (“keep it in your pocket”, loosely translated), which characterizes the behavior of not admitting to others that you relationswhich makes it impossible to deepen the connection.
Resisting disclosure of commitment has become a more frequent behavior. Dating apps may even take some of the blame, as they give the feeling that there is always more to do and something to lose: the single life, in addition to the interactions that develop in the sexual and non-emotional realm. , creating fragile bonds that hinder the development of intimacy, strengthen fears and contribute to partner rejection, according to couples therapist SGabrielli Medeiros.
Seeking emotional protection also drives this dynamic. “It was as if the relationship needed to be kept small so as not to suffer so much from the other person’s absence if it all came to an end. what does it show? emotional fragility, fear of giving up,” he says Melissa Santini, who is a relationship psychologist. This, however, does not guarantee that the separation will not bring bad feelings. “Getting into a relationship with only one foot will already bring suffering,” he adds.
Pocket relationship issues
The problem is that the hidden person is most negatively affected by this lack of commitment, according to Sarah. “Being hidden causes the individual to believe that he is not worthy of receiving that love, that it is not enough, affecting his self-image, his self-image, and therefore undermining love. self-esteem“. However, they accept the situation, sometimes trusting “what no one sees, no one spoils” or promises were never kept, regarding justifications, he adds.
This translates to dynamic toxic, harmful to one party. “I understand relationships as building ‘together’, which includes sharing life, experiences, plans. By hiding the existence of a partner, it is impossible to visualize this union, leading to a toxic dynamic. Someone is not ready to fully live this relationship, and the other can easily get hurt,” says Melissa.
Avoiding relationships for fear of suffering is not the best idea, after all we are social beings and we need people. “Our interpersonal relationships are part of our basic needs, meaning we need to interact with people to maintain good mental health,” he recalls. Sarah:
What to do to get out of this dynamic?
Thinking about your feelings in a relationship is the first step to change. Then it’s important to talk to your partner, being careful not to fall for a lie. “If the situation persists, it’s important to identify what you want and analyze what makes you want to be with someone who isn’t with you,” notes Melissa. After that, seek therapy, self-awareness and don’t give up on finding what you deserve.
