Is flirting and being attracted to others cheating? The psychoanalyst responds
Even when in a monogamous relationship, all of us have experienced attraction, whether physical, emotional, or intellectual, to others. In fact, it is delusional to believe that once we make a commitment to someone, we stop having any feelings for people outside of the relationship. Developing a constant desire for situations, objects, and people is part of the human psychological makeup.🇧🇷 Actually, that’s what excites us.
However, if it’s natural to be attracted to other people in a relationship, can we say the same about flirting? Can the act of showing love to others be classified as infidelity? To answer these and other questions, KLUDIA interviewed a psychologist and a psychoanalyst Raquel Baldo🇧🇷 See below.
Is flirting natural in a relationship?
Before hammering home whether it’s cheating or not, Raquel invites us to think about something important: the influence of culture on our understanding of love and relationships; this idea that affective commitment represents a deprivation of pleasure. They feel that, yes, being in a relationship or marriage is synonymous with losing the freedom to be, desire, explore and experience the sensations of the world,” she says.
Although, Not everyone can meet these standards.🇧🇷 In these cases, the psychologist explains that flirting becomes a way to escape repression“There is a fantasy that we do nothing wrong because there is no physical embodiment. “Without overt declarations, kisses, touches and sex, we feel like we’re not breaking a commitment, but just finding a little escape door to stay in the relationship,” she notes.
so yes it’s only natural that people end up flirting in relationshipsbecause its motivations are rooted in the subconscious (which is bombarded with moral, social, cultural issues, etc.).
Even the fantasy that someone will completely satisfy us, and that we must feel it, forces us to suppress a number of stimuli that arise in social life. 🇧🇷The concept of “soul mate” has the opposite effectInstead of clinging to one individual, we eventually develop a need to flirt to satisfy the demands of the unconscious, which does not want to stop feeling desires,” he explains.
Flirting is natural… but can it be considered cheating?
Psychologically, Baldo explains that flirting can happen in many ways, through words, looks, tone of voice, body movement, or even touch; It’s a march,” he explains.
Now ok… If I show interest in someone else even though I’m in a monogamous relationship, that’s cheating, right? According to the psychoanalyst, it is not necessary. “We need to understand if a person knows they are flirting because we live in a society that allows certain actions to be disguised as pranks and innocent banter. It’s like the classic line. “That’s how we do it here” or “It’s just a friend’s joke.” It is through these disguises that flirting is allowed. In these situations, it is not about treason, because there are no violations of contracts,” he says.
However, the expert points out that the scenario changes from the moment we assume, to ourselves or close friends, that we want to show our interest. “Even if I am not going to do anything, we are already talking about the violation of the contract,” he declared. Is it because of that? To understand this, Rachel advises us to look again at the concept of monogamy.
“This model is not just about taking someone and staying there. The idea of monotony is to carry this mental fantasy that we are not interested in anyone. Now it is practically impossible.🇧🇷 It keeps us healthy by keeping our ‘vital points,’ a term we use to define the energy that inspires us to work, dance, have fun, and of course, be interested in a variety of people.”
Flirting is cheating, yes (in a monogamous culture)
Whether healthy or not, monogamy is the foundation of most relationships. Therefore, our psychological structure is shaped and influenced by this model, which establishes a contract between two people. 🇧🇷This agreement usually does not include the freedom to express your desires to other people, so flirting can be cheating.🇧🇷 If we are together, it is understood that you only want me. If it happens outside of our dynamic, it’s wrong,” exemplifies Raquel.
Flirting is not synonymous with a bad relationship.
However, contrary to what many believe, Flirting with others does not mean that it is time to end the relationship🇧🇷 In fact, feeling this need may be a sign that it’s time to rethink your affective patterns. “In these scenarios, it would be ideal to think about an open relationship. Opening the relationship does not mean that the couple will go out kissing and having sex with everyone. Sometimes just allowing flirting is open enough for both of you,” she advises.
The psychoanalyst points out that, yes, it is possible for two individuals to choose each other, love each other, and accept that it is natural to desire others; to suppress the desire to flirt is to enter into a mental process contrary to its existence, which may even be a betrayal of oneself.”, hits.
Finally, the expert repeats. flirting is a declaration of our instincts, not a confirmation that the relationship is bad. In fact, flirting means not being able to control the impulses of desire anymore. “Considering the biological structure of a person, maybe accepting it would be the most natural way,” he concludes.
